Children want to help, too

GUEST OPINION by Bettie Witherspoon: Heroic efforts to rescue victims of last week’s tragedies are a positive force that can be cited to children looking to us for guidance.

   In this second week of our national tragedy, sorrow surrounds us like the heavy smoke still lingering in the sky above New York. Our hearts are full of compassion for those who have lost loved ones, and for the families of those in our own community who are suffering.

   Still, like beacons in the darkness, there have been many incredibly heroic, compassionate and generous acts from which to take comfort. These, together with the strenuous efforts to assure our safety, are a positive force that can be cited to children looking to us for guidance.
   Understanding our feelings and learning that others have the same feelings is part of the preschool curriculum. Learning to treat others as we want to be treated and recognizing that others have feelings just like ours is part of conflict resolution readiness. As feelings of anger, fear, and anxiety emerge, they need to be explored and discussed. Often we use expressive photographs and talk about how the depicted person feels, and why.
   We are troubled when we hear that children are taunting other children because of their appearance. Our sadness is compounded when we hear of prejudice and hate being exhibited. Treating all people with dignity and not judging groups of people for the actions of a few is an important strength and commitment of our country. We use an example that children will understand, such as, "If one member of our class takes something that does not belong to him, does it mean that every member of our class is a thief?"
   A preschool curriculum unit on "Me, Myself and I" includes the use of a mirror. We ask the child to look in the mirror. We talk about what he or she sees in the mirror. Sometimes he paints or draws a self-portrait. Our objective is to encourage self-esteem.
   As adults, we need to look in that mirror too. If we see hate and unreasoned vengeance portrayed there, are we not our own enemy? Do we want to become or act like those we deplore? Moreover, expressing hate and violent intent in front of children frightens them. Unfortunately, children frequently also begin to imitate what their adult role models convey.
   Of course, we want to see justice done. Justice is an essential ingredient of peace. Still, we can hope that in seeking that worthy goal, we will use reason, intelligence and will live up to the standards of our beliefs.
   Happily, most reflections have been compassionate, brave, kind and extraordinary. Firefighters, rescue workers, police officers, passengers, volunteers and others who risked their lives to save others are our valiant heroes for all time. A suicide mission to kill innocents is one thing; giving one’s life to save victims and to offset further carnage is the other side of the coin. That image reflects our love of humanity. We are also awed by the New York City public school teachers and administrators who safely evacuated thousands of children from the nearby zone of destruction, accompanied them to safe havens, comforted them and stayed with them until family members arrived.
   Children, too, want to be helpers, and many have wisely given them that opportunity. In doing so, they were helped in overcoming their fears and feelings of helplessness. Across the country, children have been painting and drawing pictures to send to others; drawing and coloring pictures of the U.S. flag to post or give, planting two tall trees in memory, painting group murals, writing thank you notes to their heroes, collecting and donating money for one of the disaster funds, dictating and sending messages to victims’ families, worshipping, burning candles at vigils and more. Stories, opportunities to act out what they have observed, interactive music and movement, puppetry plus lots of hugs and reassurance also go a long way towards conquering and managing their fears and anger.
Bettie Witherspoon is the former executive director of the Better Beginnings day care center in Hightstown.