All proven indicators point to confusion.
By: Steve Feitl
Supporters of Sen. John Kerry can rejoice because their
candidate is going to win the presidential election Tuesday.
How can I be so sure, you ask? Because Sen. Kerry was the
winner of Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Vote poll Oct. 19 a key indicator of
the outcome of the election. In fact, since the children’s cable network
instituted its first Kids’ Vote poll in 1988, it has correctly predicted
each presidential winner.
In the 2004 edition, Sen. Kerry received 57 percent of the
nearly 400,000 votes collected online at www.nick.com. President George W.
Bush received just 43 percent, as opposed to the 55 percent he received in
2000.
But there is some hope for Bush supporters everywhere.
You see, President Bush is going to win the presidential
election Tuesday.
How can I be so sure, you ask …. again? Because
President Bush was the winner of the Weekly Reader poll a key
indicator of the outcome of the election. In fact, the children’s magazine
has correctly predicted each presidential winner since 1956.
In the 2004 edition, President Bush received more than 60
percent of the 327,707 votes cast in classrooms across the country. The only
state that saw a Sen. Kerry victory was Maryland, though New York,
Massachusetts, Washington, D.C., and Vermont were statistical dead
heats.
But perhaps you’re not willing to put your faith in
children years away from even being eligible to vote. Maybe you’d prefer to
trust an indicator that deals with adults. In that case, there’s no need to
look further than the BuyCostumes.com Presidential Mask Election
Predictor.
The online costume retailer has successfully gauged
election outcomes every year since 1980 by tracking sales of candidate
masks. As of Oct. 26, it appears President Bush’s likeness is guaranteeing
him a victory Tuesday. The incumbent’s mask is outselling his challenger’s
55 percent to 45 percent.
If there is a bright side to this scary Halloween
prediction for the Democrat, it’s that the mask race is the tightest it’s
ever been, topping the 57 percent to 43 percent Bush advantage over Vice
President Al Gore in 2000.
But all these predictions are a bit premature as the
election obviously has not been decided yet. That happens Sunday when the
Washington Redskins host the Green Bay Packers in an NFL showdown.
The Redskins have accurately predicted the outcome in the
previous 15 elections based on the results of their final home game before
Election Day, according to urban legend Web site Snopes.com. If the
Washington squad is victorious, the incumbent party stays in power. If the
Redskins lose, the challenger party assumes the office.
This can be traced back to Nov. 1, 1936, when the
then-Boston Redskins defeated the Chicago Cardinals, 13-10, meaning
incumbent Franklin D. Roosevelt won re-election. And in 2000, the Redskins
were topped by the Tennessee Titans, 27-21, on Oct. 30, meaning Democrats
were being ousted. True to form, President Bush defeated Vice President Gore
the following week.
So if you are upset President Bush won last time, blame
the Titans and root really hard for the Packers at 1 p.m. Sunday.
Of course, if you’re going to wait that long to determine
the winner, you might just want to hold out two more days for a really
foolproof answer.
Steve Feitl is the managing editor of The Lawrence Ledger. He can be
reached here.