When Pat, my beloved husband of many years, walked in the door on a recent night, he was beaming with pride.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day long,” he said. Then he smiled, looked at me with love, and reported, “And I’ve been considering an expensive gift.”
I’m here to tell you there is nothing like an expensive gift to jumpstart a woman’s heart!
I suddenly went from being a 50-year-old woman with bad hair to an 11-year-old little girl on Christmas Eve.
“Something for me?” I asked as I thought of the Red Wing crock I have had my eye on.
“No,” he said, trying to contain his excitement, “it’s something for us.”
Now you can call me a spoiled brat if you want to, but “something for us” does not sound like a fun “something for us” when you are married to a man like my Pat.
Pat opposes any and all glitz, does not understand bling, and totally bypasses extravagance so he can make a beeline straight to the practical gifts. Instead of fulfilling the desires of a woman’s heart, he opts for hammers, drills and anything that would effortlessly drive a bolt into concrete.
Still, I’m nothing if not optimistic, so I forced a smile and asked, “Will I like it?”
“Oh,” he said, still beaming, “you’ll use it all of the time.”
See, there we go again. No woman worth her salt wants something she will “use all of the time.” She wants to wear it, stage it, and certainly wants to show it off to her friends.
Better yet, she wants to display her antique crock in the corner that would be perfect for it and spend her spare moments gazing upon it with love and admiration.
After all, how often do you see a woman showcasing her 150-piece wrench set as she says to her dinner party guests, “Don’t you just love these? I got them for Christmas!”
But I did not want to appear ungrateful, so I kept a stiff upper lip, forced a smile and said, “Well, let’s see it.”
With that, he pulled an ad from the local lumber yard out of his pocket and — with a quick, “Ta da!” — showed me a lovely picture of a mechanical device that was large, bulky and appeared to plug in.
Quite frankly, I hadn’t been so disappointed since he showed me a picture of a woman in his construction magazine who was sporting a pink tool belt and told me that I, too, could rock that look.
Don’t get me wrong, not all of his practical gifts are bad gifts. Oftentimes I wonder how it is that I have lived without nail punches and wire cutters with matching accessories. I would even make great use of the compact drill if it weren’t constantly at his job site. In the grand scheme of things, I have everything I need, and want for nothing. Nothing, that is, except for that Red Wing crock. Our anniversary is looming on the horizon, Mother’s Day is only moments away, and I truly feel it is never too early to begin pondering my birthday.
Alas, my surprise gift was nothing that could be purchased at a jewelry store or a timeless gift from an antique shop, and it certainly wasn’t a crock that could be showcased in the coveted spot in the corner of the living room.
Rather, it was something that would come from the lumber yard, be quite useful in daily tasks and most likely spend the bulk of its time on a construction site.
Although I’m not one to boast, I am a great and considerate gift giver. I assess the recipient, ponder their dislikes and tastes, and mull to great lengths the desires of their heart.
Therefore, with our anniversary looming on the horizon, I have purchased for my beloved spouse the best gift ever — the ultimate and unsurpassed gift of all gifts. I shall drop little hints, leave little clues and enjoy his curiosity as it leads up to the day.
I shall enjoy the anticipation, and I am here to tell you that I simply cannot wait for him to see that I bought him the best gift ever: a Red Wing crock.
Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book “Are We There Yet?” You can reach her by sending an email to [email protected].