Princeton Business Journal’s September SPEAKING OF COMMUNICATION column
By Susan Young
Body language is the oldest language of all languages. Regardless of what language you speak or the words that pour off of your tongue, it is body language that is paramount in communications. In fact, 93 percent of our communication is non-verbal. We are a society of people watchers; busy with what people look like rather than the content of their verbal messages.
Learning to understand how to use your posture, gestures, eye contact and facial expressions to improve your communications can make a huge impact in your professional relationships. When first meeting someone, an individual takes less than five seconds to determine if they like that person. That is based solely on how the person presents themselves. You don’t have to utter a single sound or word and the opinion is formed.
Here are some tips to understanding body language:
First, recognize that your head and face are key expression indicators.
Eye contact, a smile and a strong self-confident posture and head position are important when first seeing someone, especially someone you have never met. Looking someone in the eye for a quick two or three seconds, along with a friendly smile, can help you to instantly build rapport and bond with someone. It takes 72 muscles to frown and only 14 to smile.
A smile transcends any cultural or language barrier. Being able to smile and look relaxed yet confident while shaking hands or greeting someone is an important first step in building a relationship.
Second, know how to send strong signals at the conference table.
Conference tables can be nonverbal battlefields. When sitting in a chair, it’s best to feel relaxed and calm. Tense and stiff posture when sitting can make you appear to be uptight or domineering. Conversely, you may appear too relaxed and casual if you slouch or lean back. These can send off signals that you are bored or uninterested.
Third, be aware of your facial expressions.
Eye brow lowering (remember Phil Donahue’s talk show?) and staring can send off negative signals as well. People who wear reading glasses tend to lift their chins and look down their noses to avoid putting their glasses on and off. That gesture, while it may seem innocent enough for the over 40 crowd, can be misconstrued as you are literally “looking down” at others.
Fourth, use your hands to your advantage.
The next time you are in a meeting or sitting at a conference table, think about where you place your hands and how you use them. Observe how others are using their hands.
Clenched fists often indicate frustrated states such as anger and irritation. They can also be the sign of a closed mind. Keeping your hands open with your palms up shows you are friendly and open. Palms down often means dominant and aggressive. If you are sitting at a conference table and want to make a point, lean your upper torso forward into the table, and keep your palms down.
Another tip on hands: people who stand with their hands on their hips mean they are ready to take action.
Being congruent, or walking the walk and talking the talk, is essential in communications. If your words say one thing and your body language says another, people almost always believe the body language and not the words. By watching people and starting to become more aware of how you move, you can improve your rapport, selling and relationships with prospects, clients and colleagues.
Remember: You are the message.
Susan Young is the president of Susan Young Media Relations, Inc. and Get in Front Communications. The companies provide public relations, mass media and interpersonal communications services to businesses, non-profits and professional associations. Ms. Young is a member of the National Speakers Association and is a certified practitioner in Neurolinguistic Programming. She is a frequent presenter at professional meetings and conferences. Call (732) 613-4790 or visit www.sueyoungmedia.com. Send an email to [email protected].