A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson — a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist — and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers.
Dear Greg:
We’re on pins and needles out here in the Red States, Old Pal, anxiously awaiting the beginning of the biggest whoop-dedo this neck of the woods has seen in decades: the arrival in a few weeks of thousands of your wild-eyed Democratic friends for their national convention.
It’s sort of a Baracky Mountain High for your ebullient cohorts, Mr. Important Blue State Chain of Newspapers Editor. You can cut the anticipation of a Democratic sweep — and plenty of swell new programs, new taxes, feel-good activism, and sticking it to mean old Republicans — with an OSHAapproved knife.
Your pony-tailed, granola-eating, Sierra Club-supporting, Prius-driving, Exxonhating, Bush-derangement-syndromesuffering, citizen-of-the-world Obamaniacs are leaving no stone unturned. They’ve even appointed an official “Director of Greening” to make sure the Denver convention gets the Al Gore Seal of Approval, and teaches dummies like the rest of us a thing or two about Our Planet, Pal.
The thought of a Democratic president and big majorities in both houses is enough to set off dancing in the streets among your liberal bff’s (best friends forever, in case you didn’t know). And from what I’ve read, they’re lining up to pay $7.50 each for carbon offsets to pay for the Global Warming and Damage to Polar Bears caused by stuff like dancing in the streets.
These folks are so much better than the rest of us that I’m darned near speechless, Greg. But, I’ll soldier on.
I am, however, disturbed about a couple of things I’m reading in the paper. It seems the city of Denver is supplying tax-free gasoline for vehicles to haul the Democratic swells around town, and it seems to me that wild-eyed Democrats ought to favor paying more taxes, not less. After all, isn’t the key to restarting the economy and saving the polar bears a whopping great tax increase, according to Practically President Obama?
And, isn’t he the candidate who is against a gas tax holiday for grubby old Regular Americans like us? Is it just a “gimmick” for us to get a tax break, but not Democratic swells in Denver? And, won’t those dollars that go unpaid result in the loss of highway construction jobs?
The other thing I’m concerned about is this plan to take homeless people to the movies and to the zoo and to centers with big-screen televisions during the convention. They say it’s to protect them, but those of us who weren’t born yesterday know that city officials just don’t want them screwing up Denver’s moment in the national spotlight.
Surely the party that cares so much about everyone, and has so much to teach us about global responsibility, wouldn’t just be hustling these people out of sight, like the Chinese hiding dissidents during the Olympics. Do you think?
Conservatives like me believe in making the best of any situation, though, so I’m planning to put on my scruffiest workingaround the-house clothes and drive down to Denver during the convention.
It might get me a free trip to the zoo.
Your old gas-tax-paying pal,
Red State Dave
[email protected]
Dear Dave:
I’m truly outraged that some folks who work as local organizers for the Democratic National Convention coming up in Denver have been gassing up their vehicles at city yards, where they don’t have to pay the 40 cents a gallon in taxes they’d be charged if they filled up at ExxonMobil.
I just don’t know how we’re going to do without the few hundred dollars in tax money we lost, when we’re going to need every penny to pay for the $482 billion deficit projected by the federal Office of Management and Budget for 2009, thanks to the wise fiscal management of your conservative pal, George W. (Shrub) Bush.
But leave it to guys like you to be worrying about peanuts while elephants are trampling the whole farm, so I’m glad they’ve nipped this wasteful practice in the bud. And while I hadn’t heard the story about taking homeless people to the zoo or centers to watch TV, I have been shaking my head about some of the other weirdness out there in Denver (which is close to The People’s Republic of Boulder, the national capital of world-class weirdness).
I don’t like what I’m hearing about the “Free Speech Zones,” where they’ll fence off protesters behind chicken wire over 200 yards from the delegates’ entrance to the convention, for starters. Apparently, anyone who tries to protest outside the zone will be arrested. Does that sound like freedom of speech to you? Me neither.
Nor do I like the move to have charities that feed the homeless move their programs indoors from public parks, etc. They aren’t rounding the homeless up in buses and shipping them off to La Junta, but it is obvious they’re trying to hide their problems from the public eye.
From what I remember about Denver and its environs, however, there’s a lot more to hide than homeless people. There are lots of strip clubs and run-down neighborhoods, and on some streets the clouds of burning cannabis are so thick you can get high just walking from the parking lot to the high-priced restaurant where the au courant conventioneers will gather.
What if you’re right, and the Denver pols and the DNC decide to do more of what they’re doing in China to make that country more presentable to folks who come for the Olympics? In China, as you might have read, besides hiding dissidents they’re actually hiding eyesore buildings and neighborhoods behind walls, screens or green netting like the camouflage stuff the Army uses to hide tanks and artillery pieces from aircraft.
It would take a whole bunch of green camouflage netting to hide all of the seedy establishments on Colfax Avenue, and it would take even more to hide the entire neighboring community of Boulder. And who’d pay for that netting, my friend? You and I would pay, and that would cost a whole lot more than we’re losing from that gas tax business, or the $50 million the feds are already shelling out for the convention.
If you end up going to Denver, though, have fun at the zoo. And if you get arrested for speaking outside the “Free Speech Zone,” give me a call if you need bail (no calls after midnight, please).
Your bond-posting partner,
Blue State Greg
[email protected]