adults build bonds,
serve as role models
Through weekly visits,
adults build bonds,
serve as role models
By joyce blay
Staff Writer
JERRY WOLKOWITZ Dwight Frazier, a fifth-grader at the Oak Street School, Lakewood, works with his mentor, Rita D’Alessio, of Brick, on a recent day at school.
It’s said that money can’t buy love, but neither can it buy self-esteem. To obtain that, a youngster needs only an hour a week with a volunteer from the Ocean County Department of Juvenile Services Mentoring Program.
"The mentoring program volunteers work with kids in grades three through six at schools in Lakewood, Toms River, Man-chester, Stafford Township and South Toms River," said John Tritto III, program coordinator. "They don’t need to accomplish anything specific, just be a role model."
Volunteers need not be any particular age either, although Tritto notes that approximately 90 percent of them are retirees solicited through fliers and brochures distributed at Ocean County Library branches, as well as through cable television channels advertising the program in adult communities. Once there are enough volunteers interested in working with children in the community’s schools, Tritto will then offer the program services to the school guidance departments.
That is the process by which both the Spruce Street and Oak Street elementary schools in Lakewood came to be participants in the mentoring program.
JERRY WOLKOWITZ Anna Bailey, a retired social worker, volunteers her time to work with Isiah Collins, 10, a fifth-grader at the Oak Street School, Lakewood.
On a bright Thursday in late October, Yvette Edelman, 68, a resident of Fairways adult community, has just arrived at the Spruce Street School for her weekly mentoring session with Glory Cortes, 8, of Lakewood. A former employee for the Supplemental Security Program of Social Security for 22 years, as well as a veteran teacher in some of Brooklyn’s toughest neighborhoods, Edelman retired in December 1999. But with no young children of her own anymore, Edelman cast about for a new purpose and found it with the mentoring program.
As Edelman sits at a table set up in the school hallway to wait patiently for Glory, she scrutinizes the lines of teachers shepherding classes of boisterous children dressed in costume for Halloween as they pass by her. It is only when she spots a pretty, dark-haired child garbed in a pirate-motif dress with a black bodice adorned with skull and crossbones, diaphanous sleeves, and a red-and-white striped skirt, that Edelman’s face immediately lights up with recognition. The little girl throws her arms around Edelman, and the two greet each other warmly.
After Glory takes a seat next to Edelman at the table, she smiles shyly as she tries to describe some of the activities she and her mentor share together. However, Edelman is not hesitant in describing her own motivations for being with Glory: "I just want to talk to a sweet, beautiful little girl like you," she confides to her.
Basking in her mentor’s attention, Glory seems to find reassurance in Edelman’s words of praise and a newfound sense of confidence as she makes conversation and eye contact more easily with the strangers around her. It is a subtle but immeasurable impact. That is why many mentors continue to be a part of the program and why they are held in such high regard by school staff where they volunteer, according to school guidance counselor Lorraine Dentino.
CHRIS KELLY Glory Cortes, 8, works on a project with Yvette Edelman at the Spruce Street School, Lakewood. Both are part of a program that gives children the opportunity to bond with a mentor on an ongoing basis.
"Four out of five mentors have been with us previously. Yvette has been with us for three years," said Dentino. "In Glory’s case, we wanted to make her feel special.
"Today, she said she felt embarrassed that her costume might not be as good as the other children’s, but after being with Yvette, she felt beautiful — and that’s what the program’s all about," Dentino added.
In the case of two little boys, the mentoring program at the Oak Street School offered just as dramatic results.
Anna Bailey, 71, of Lakewood, and Rita D’Alessio, 67, of Brick, are seated at a table in a secluded area of the school with the boys they mentor. Bailey, a retired social worker with a master’s degree and university-level teaching experience, is paired with Isiah Collins, 10, of Lakewood. D’Alessio, a retired legal secretary, works with Dwight Frazier, 11, of Lakewood. Both boys are in the fifth grade and are friends. And both find a special relationship with their mentors.
"She’s like a second mother, and she’s really fun," said Isiah of his mentor, Bailey. "We read together."
"They give us courage and help us get over our shyness," added Dwight.
But mentoring is a symbiotic relationship for the child as well as the mentor, D’Alessio noted.
"The mentors get a lot out of this, too," she said. "You make (the children) feel good, and they make you feel good, too."
The mentors’ good deeds do not go unnoticed. Karen Zielinski, a guidance counselor at the Oak Street School, is equally impressed by their devotion to helping their young charges as was Dentino, her associate at Spruce Street School.
"These people are angels, saints to volunteer their time and make a difference in the children’s lives — which they do," she said. "The mentors don’t always see the changes, but I do."
That influence in the children’s lives can sometimes present itself in unpredictable but complementary ways though.
When asked later what he wanted to be when he grew up, Isiah ponders his answer for a minute or two before responding, without hesitation, "a social worker."