PACKET EDITORIAL, Jan. 2, 2004
So here it is 2004, and if you’ve already broken your first new year’s resolution, don’t worry we have, too. We promised ourselves in the new year that we’d resist the oh-so-compelling urge to prognosticate. No guessing, no anticipatory analysis, no predictions about what was going to happen in the new year.
Our resolution lasted all of one day. Herewith, our fearless forecast of events that will unfold in 2004:
January: Marvin Reed shows up at the first Borough Council meeting. The former mayor tells his longtime friends and colleagues he really intended to go to the movies, but his car was unable to take him anywhere but Borough Hall on a Tuesday night.
February: Gov. James E. McGreevey announces that release of the Penns Neck environmental impact statement is imminent.
March: U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft, following consultation with the Vatican, goes to court to stop the "coercive contraception" he has heard is taking place in Princeton Township. He relents after he receives an angry phone call (and President Bush receives a large campaign contribution) from Charlton Heston.
April: During construction, a small round object is uncovered near the tennis courts at Princeton High School. Superintendent Claire Sheff Kohn assures the Board of Education that the object is a tennis ball, but concerned parents insist it be tested by the Environmental Protection Agency, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Department of Homeland Security and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission before students are allowed back inside PHS.
May: An appeals court throws out the lawsuit brought by Concerned Citizens of Princeton against the downtown parking garage. Concerned Citizens announces it will appeal to the state Supreme Court and declares in a press release, "Now we’ve got the Borough Council right where we want ’em."
June: State Transportation Commissioner Jack Letierre announces that the Penns Neck project, formerly known as the Millstone Bypass, will henceforth be known as the Princeton Junction Bypass, and that release of an environmental impact statement is imminent.
July: The Montgomery Township Committee, acting on the recommendation of historic preservation consultants, approves a development plan for the former NPDC site that "is in keeping with its rich and storied heritage"; the plan includes a neuropsychiatric institute, a home for epileptics and several small landfills.
August: The South Bound Brook Police Department announces it will no longer patrol South Bound Brook so it can devote full time to writing speeding tickets in Rocky Hill, which South Bound Brook’s mayor calls "the biggest windfall in our little town’s history."
September: On his last day in office, state Transportation Commissioner Jack Letierre announces that the Princeton Junction Bypass, formerly known as the Penns Neck project and the Millstone Bypass, will henceforth be called the Washington Road-Harrison Street Bypass. He adds that he has been assured by his successor, who has not yet been named, that release of an environmental impact statement is imminent.
October: Princeton Borough files a lawsuit against West Windsor Township, contending that traffic from the Toll Brothers development in West Windsor is destroying Princeton’s quality of life. "It’s an environmental insult," declares Princeton Borough Attorney Michael J. Herbert. "Oh, he’s full of hot air," retorts West Windsor Township Attorney Michael J. Herbert.
November: The state Supreme Court announces it will not hear the Concerned Citizens of Princeton appeal. At a hastily called press conference, Concerned Citizens’ attorneys declare total victory.
December: The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers announces it has taken jurisdiction over the Washington Road-Harrison Street Bypass, formerly known as the Princeton Junction Bypass, the Penns Neck project and the Millstone Bypass, and it will henceforth be known as Route 92. An environmental impact statement is expected no later than 2007.