John Aden Lewis
When the southbound evening train pulls into Metuchen station, hardworking Metuchenites swarm off the platform and into the parking lot. What happens next is wonderful.
Dozens of reunions occur as people in idling cars and commuters spot one another. When eye contact is made with a loved one, the “I’m home” grin breaks out on both faces.
The passenger-side door is then unlocked, the commuter gets in, and because the parking lot is relatively spacious, the commuter and the commuter-picker-upper can share a long, passionate kiss.
Even at the height of the rush hour, the northern parking lot of the Metuchen station is spacious enough to meet its romantic demands. Liplock does not create gridlock.
In the morning, however, the train station is a different story.
The south-side parking lot is romantically challenged. Although there’s enough space in the southern lot for two lanes of traffic, groggy commuters can’t seem to manage an efficient system of departure. In the morning, unfortunately, liplock can create gridlock.
For the couple whose romantic fire burns at all hours, a quality goodbye kiss depends on what time the couple reaches the station.
For the 7:21 a.m. Penn Station Express, a 7:10 arrival guarantees a long, loving smooch; by 7:14 it means a short but pleasant kiss on the lips; a 7:17 arrival means a peck on the cheek. By 7:20, a kiss on the cheek is supplanted by a kick in the butt.
As I mentioned, despite the all-too-frequent morning traffic jams in the south-side parking lot, there is plenty of room for both romantic and unromantic commuters.
So, upon approaching Metuchen Station in the morning, here are two simple traffic rules to remember:
1. The left lane is reserved for platonic roommates, post-college kids living with their parents, anti-morning people, and arguing married couples/domestic partners (so long as the argument doesn’t interfere with a timely exit from the car.)
2. The right lane, let’s call it “Lovers’ Lane,” is for those folks who don’t wish to be rushed in the morning. Extended kissing is permitted.
Even if people violate these rules, honking is not allowed under any circumstances. Between Route 1, Interstate 287, the turnpike, the Garden State Parkway, ambulances, airplanes, dynamited Ford factories and Wal-Mart construction sounds, Metuchen is loud enough already.
Amazingly, I have yet to hear a horn honked in anger at the Metuchen train station. Let’s keep it that way.
On second thought, it would probably be OK to give a loved one a little “love honk” as a sweet farewell.