With anorexia on the ropes, a Robbinsville
teen looks to get – and give – a better life
By: Rebecca Weltmann
Editor’s Note: This story is a follow-up to "Public look, private struggle," which appeared in the March 22 edition of The Messenger-Press.
WASHINGTON Marisa Meiskin never thought she could have a future. The idea of college frightened her. Sitting down to eat dinner with her family was intimidating. She was 14 and her battle with anorexia was taking over her life.
But not anymore.
After five months in an intensive rehabilitation facility, Marisa, now 15, and back home in Robbinsville, is finally able to say that not only is she thinking about college, but she’s extremely excited about it.
"It’s fun to be able to be open to that idea," she said. "I’m able to exercise because I enjoy it without running myself to death. I’m still able to stay in the moment, but now I know that I can have a future. I’m excited about it."
Marisa’s battle with anorexia began to surface in 2004 when she began restricting the amounts and types of foods she would eat. By the time she was 15, her parents knew that the battle had become a matter of life and death. In January, her parents sent her 2,000 miles away from home to a treatment facility in Utah where Marisa learned coping mechanisms to combat her disorder. The family did not wish to include the name of the facility.
She’d been through hospital programs twice, but neither program proved to be any help. Despite her initial feelings of betrayal and anger, Marisa said that her stay in Utah was the best thing her parents could have done for her.
"It’s the best program I’ve ever been to," she said. "Going through it was hell; I hated it. It doesn’t get easier until it gets harder, but as you progress through the program, you get more freedoms, more trusts. I was finally able to see myself coming out instead of hiding behind the mask of my eating disorder."
In the treatment program, Marisa was expected to go through five levels. The higher a person gets in the levels, the more freedoms that person earns. By level three and four, the person is allowed to make more phone calls home not just to family, but to friends as well. By March, Marisa had made it to level two and was showing incredible signs of improvement.
The program forced her to really look into the triggers of her disorder and analyze what it was that brought about her "dark thoughts" of eating unhealthy. She said now that she’s back in New Jersey, the biggest challenge has been confronting the media that glorifies thinness.
Throughout her time in Utah, Marisa was cut off from the outside world and its advertisements. She was cut off from magazine articles that promised miracle bodies and foolproof diets. Now that she’s home again, Marisa said she still has to deal with seeing those things, but that since the treatment she is better equipped to cope with it.
"It’s hard to eat and separate feelings of guilt from having a bad body image," she said. "It’s fun to be able to go out to eat now. I learned that everything is OK in moderation. Eating healthy is a good thing, but it doesn’t mean taking it over the top."
Marisa’s mother, Cindy, said she has definitely seen an amazing transformation in her daughter, but is still always on guard.
"We have some wounds that run really deep," Ms. Meiskin said. "Even her little sisters keep an eye on her. But that raw edge in her is gone. We can say things to her now and she’ll talk rationally back to us."
When the family went on vacation to Napa Valley in July, Ms. Meiskin said that was truly a testament to Marisa’s transformation. For the first time, the Meiskins Marisa, her mother, her father, Jeff, and her two younger sisters, Abigail, 12, and Jennifer, 9, were able to sit down and enjoy each other’s company. They were able to enjoy family time without too much fear of stress and tension.
"Even on vacation, Marisa had a level of confidence that she carried over from the program into every aspect of her life," Ms. Meiskin said. "She’s never been so daring. There’s a level of trust in herself now and it’s beautiful."
Marisa is finally having the opportunity to really be a "full-fledged teenager," her mother added. And with that title comes a complete package, with talk of boys, clothes, parties and college.
"We have so much more appreciation for what it means to be a family," she said. "I feel terrible for her suffering, but I know it will make her a very strong, well-adjusted secure adult."
Throughout the program, Marisa was even able to keep up with her schoolwork, which means she’ll be able to start her junior year (she’s set to return to Robbinsville High School) on schedule in September. As she draws nearer to her college years, Marisa said she feels like she’s more than ready and is pretty certain in regards to what she’d like to study.
"I want to open up my own treatment center and give more girls opportunities to get their lives back," she said. "I love writing and I like being very deep, and I’m really excited to start thinking about the treatment center that I want to open."
But with great recovery comes great responsibility. Though she celebrated her graduation from the program on July 26, the personal recovery from her disorder never truly ends. Battling what she and her family call the "old Marisa" is something that Marisa will have to deal with for an indefinite amount of time. Currently, she is seeing a therapist and a nutritionist twice a week. This, she said, will continue until the therapist and nutritionist decide, with her, that her appointments can be on a need-to-see basis.
"Do I have struggles? Duh! Of course I do," she said. "But the struggles now are nothing like they used to be. Now I’m able to ask for help when I need it. And if the ‘old Marisa’ starts to come out, my mom will call me out on it.
"But this is a new kind of Marisa," she added. "Recovery is an ongoing process. I’m constantly being challenged and having obstacles. Honesty is the number one thing, though, and we’re trying to have a much more open communication now. As I become more comfortable, it will become easier, but I’m really looking forward to being more involved in school again and just being a teenager."