A political discussion between Red State conservative Dave Simpson — a former reporter, editor, publisher and columnist — and Greg Bean, Blue Stater and executive editor of Greater Media Newspapers.
Dear Greg:
Now I’m confused all over again, Old Pal.
Your wild-eyed Democratic friends are saying that now that Frisky John Edwards has admitted to fishing off the company dock, he’s no longer vice presidential timber. He’s not even going to the convention.
But, Greg, isn’t this just about sex? Wasn’t that what you guys kept telling us when Frisky Bill was playing pulldown the-pants with Monica? You guys argued long and hard back then that extramarital sex is just sex — as routine as putting on your socks in the morning — and only perverts like Ken Starr care about it.
I think some of you guys liked Frisky Bill MORE after he turned out to be an incorrigible bedroom schnauzer.
Before you start compiling your list of lying, cheating, philandering Republicans, let me point out that we tend to expel our bad seeds when they cheat on their spouses. For example, when was the last time you heard anything about Bob Livingston? And, most of us will never vote for Newt again, after his great marital hypocrisy. In our party, once it’s clear these lying sacks can’t even be trusted by their own wives, they’re Gone Johnson.
So, don’t go there, pal.
For some reason, however, a little extracurricular activity seems to have derailed John Edwards in a party that considers Frisky Bill a great statesman. Frisky Bill will be speaking at the upcoming convention, so why can’t Frisky John? They could both speak on the same night, and they could call it Philanderers Night.
The difference, I guess, is that the woman Frisky John betrayed and humiliated with his selfish, egotistical, shameless behavior is battling cancer. But, as you know, Frisky John took pains to explain that his wife was “in remission” when he violated his marriage vows.
So, is that the dividing line for your wild-eyed Democrat friends? If you cheat on a healthy wife, you can still be president? But, if she has cancer, well, that’s an entirely different story? And, do you guys buy Frisky John’s argument that your libido gets a green light if your wife is in REMISSION?
Kind of stunning, isn’t it, Greg?
Mr. $600 Haircut explained that he “became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic” during his campaign, which happens to me, too, whenever I get a $600 haircut. But, I limit my narcissism to looking in the mirror, not blowing up my marriage.
So, you need to explain how this works in the Democratic Party, Greg, because I’m really confused. As you know, the biggest thrills most Red State guys like me get are the short skirts on Fox News.
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
I remain, Red State Dave d_simpson@bresnan.net
Dear Dave:
I know you said don’t go there, but I have two words that everyone should think about while they listen to your blather about John Edwards, and those words would be Larry Craig. Our guys certainly don’t have a lock on the moral high ground, but at least they’re not coming on to the people in airport bathrooms.
Of course you have to disown a fellow like that, even after listening to the man’s most rational explanations about his finger wagging and unusually wide stance.
Fact is, Dave, I have mixed emotions about our party’s Ken doll.
On a professional level, I know I shouldn’t spend a lot of time wringing my hands over what politicians do, or who they play around with, as long as they keep their private business private, only play with consenting adults, don’t hurt anyone, don’t break the law and don’t scare the horses. I’m sure you think that’s a liberal failing on my part, but as long as they do the job we elected them to do, I shouldn’t obsess over what they do in their spare time.
On a personal level, it’s a whole different story. I think my problem with the John Edwards revelations are twofold. First, I don’t care if she was in remission, his wife is a loyal woman who’s battled cancer for years. And if you chippy around on a wife who has cancer, you’re not much of a man, or a human being in my book. Truth be told, I don’t have much truck with men or women who are unfaithful to their spouses, no matter which side of the political aisle they come from. I figure when you get married, you make vows and promises that you ought to keep. If you can’t keep them, you ought to do the honorable thing and get a divorce. As long as you’re married, however, your spouse ought to be able to trust you. And if your spouse can’t trust you, the people you’re asking to vote for you can’t trust you either.
I never said what Frisky Bill did was right, and I never defended his infidelity. What I did take umbrage to was that his enemies, most of whom had done exactly the same thing they were putting him on the pillory for, were using Monica Lewinski as a smoke screen for a crass political coup d’état. They couldn’t beat him at the polls, and they hated him so much that they would do anything to get rid of him, so they attempted to subvert the will of the American people and hijack the presidency by impeaching the man on highly suspect charges.
If you ever thought the move to impeach Bill Clinton was about sex, you’re living in a dream world, my friend. It was a thinly veiled attempt to overthrow, without firearms, a popularly elected government.
For my part, I didn’t start liking him more after he “turned out to be an incorrigible bedroom schnauzer.” I condemned his philandering then, and still do. But for all his faults in that department, I’ll be darned if I’d sit still to see him railroaded out of office by a bunch of moral reprobates and holier-than-thou hypocrites who’d rather see our whole nation come to its knees than abide by what voters decided at the polls. Is that clear enough, old friend, or are you still confused?
Your not-so-frisky friend,
Blue State Greg gbean@gmnews.com