Sarah Van Auken discusses the years since the death of her father. Kenneth Van Auken was a bond broker at Cantor Fitzgerald who was killed on Sept. 11, 2001. PHOTO COURTESY OF RUTGERS UNIVERSITY 9/11 PROJECT A young actress from East Brunswick, Sarah Van Auken, has found that theater and music have helped her cope with death of her father, Kenneth Van Auken, in the World Trade Center tragedy. She also learned about the political side of the terror attacks from her mother, Lorie, one of the original “Jersey Girls” who were very vocal in their fight to get the U.S. government to create the 9/11 Commission.
W hen a young actress lands a role in a play headed for theaters around theworld, it is usually cause for celebration.
However, for Sarah Van Auken, a 22-yearold East Brunswick native who was chosen for the role of a doctor in Heather Raffo’s powerful “9 Parts of Desire,” playing the part presented some particular difficulties. The show, which had its start in Manhattan and hasmade its way to regional theaters and universities around the globe, portrays the hardships and struggles of Iraqi women, and explores the dynamic aspects of living through a time in which their homeland became a war zone.
VanAuken’s concerns were not due to the demands of the role, but because she had conflicting feelings about the people of the Middle East, since her father, Kenneth Van Auken, died in Tower 1 of the World Trade Center, NewYork City, a decade ago.
The years since his death, she acknowledges, have been painful. Despite her grief, she says she has tried to view this tragic event in a positive light to keep herself uplifted and inspired to succeed.
“Every time I go on stage I think of my father and do it for him,” said Sarah, who is attending the University of the Arts in Philadelphia.
When called to play the part of a doctor in “9 Parts of Desire,” Sarah had to fully embrace the role of a modern Iraqi woman and learn what it truly means to be a female in a Middle Eastern society. Sarah said she is well aware that the people of Iraq were viewed negatively after 9/11 and that the media had portrayedArabs as the primary source behind all of the lives lost on 9/11.
She, herself, was torn between two worlds. In the months and years after 9/11, while the nation needed answers and someone to blame, Sarah wanted to hate the terrorists who flew the planes into the World Trade Center, killing her father and almost all of his business colleagues.
“I resent whoever it was that flew the planes into the buildings and how my father had to die,” she said. She also resents how unfair it was for her to lose her father.
Because so many questions arose about the relationship between the war in Iraq and 9/11, she found herself in a very challenging situation. As an actress, she had to remain unbiased and had a role to fulfill. She put her personal feelings to the side and was able to learn a lot about the Iraqi culture beyond the negative image portrayed by the media.
Strengthened by the thought of her father, Sarah fully committed herself to the role, constantly pushing herself. Sarah said that whenever she is on stage acting, she is always dedicating her performance to her father.
She believes that by doing so, she is honoring his death.
Looking back on her experience, she emphasizes howhappy she was to have done the play and believes that people should really know the issues that the people of Iraq face. Playing an Iraqi female doctor, she said, gave her a new perspective not only on the lives of Middle Easterners, but on her own life as well.
“I was honored to play an Iraqi woman,” Sarah said.
Sarah takes a sip of her steaming tea as she looks off into the distance to reminisce about the years that have passed since her father’s death. She tucks her long brown hair behind her ear. Talking about this is not easy. But like acting in “9 Parts of Desire,” Sarah is up for the challenge.
Kenneth VanAuken was a bond broker at Cantor Fitzgerald. He worked on the 105th floor of Tower 1. Sarah was in the seventh grade on the day of the attack and she remembers the very last thing she told him right before going to sleep the night before: “You’re the best daddy in the whole entire universe.” As she recalls that night, her eyes instantly light up and a huge smile crosses her face. She is gladdened by the thought of all the good times she had with her father.
She went to school the next day as she would any other day, but would soon discover this day would not be like any other day. In fact, it would be a day that would forever change her life. Teachers in her school did not inform students about the attacks on the World Trade Center immediately. It wasn’t until later on in the day during study hall when a classmate told everyone that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center.
Instantly fearful for her father, Sarah broke down sobbing in the hallway. Since there was nothing she could have done at that moment, shemanaged to pull herself together and continue on with her day. It wasn’t until she pulled up onto her driveway that she knew something was seriously wrong.
“I already knew,” she said somberly. “I saw my mom walking down the driveway and I already knew what happened.”
Her mother was crying hysterically. No words had to be exchanged. The two just held each other and cried together, knowing their lives would never be the same again.
Now all Sarah has left is the recording her father left on the answering machine the day of the attacks, stating that he was in the World Trade Center and that he loved his family very much. Although listening to the recording has been too painful, she has courageously moved on with her life. She believes the struggle of losing her father at a young age actually strengthened her.
Like the thousands of other families trying to make sense of what had happened, Sarah needed to find an outlet. Art and music eventually became Sarah’s savior and the outlet for her emotions.
Right after her father’s death, Sarah wrote a song for him. It was titled “Daddy’s Little Girl” and was recorded a month after the attacks through a friend of the family who was a music producer. The experience, Sarah explains, was just “surreal.”
The song was played on the “Larry King Show.” She said it was just a great way to get her voice out there and put all of the emotions she was feeling into an inspirational song. At 12 years old, Sarah knew that she “was not living her life if she was not doing art.”
Four years later, as a junior in high school, she found a new form of art that would serve as a better outlet for her emotions: theater. She also became familiar with the world of politics and the media. Sarah’s mother, Lorie Van Auken, was one of the original “Jersey Girls,” as they were named, who were very vocal in their fight to get the U.S. government to create the 9/11 Commission. Lorie Van Auken appeared on media outlets all over the world.
Being thrown into the world of media at such a young age, Sarah admits she is not the media’s biggest fan. As she was trying to make sense of the World Trade Center tragedy and figure things out for herself in private, she was constantly being thrown into the heart of a media frenzy.
The terrorist attacks on 9/11 have been the subject of huge media attention and after 10 years they continue to be a source of discussion and controversy.
A look of disgust comes across Sarah’s face as she explains what happened one day when she was home sick from school. Her mother was being interviewed. She recalls coming downstairs, ill, wrapped in a blanket, only to find a camera crew in her living room. They immediately started badgering her with questions, trying to get a story, she recalled.
Most families get to grieve in private, yet Sarah said she can never get away from 9/11. She continues to relive the moment of her father’s death over and over again as photographs and videos of the planes crashing into the World Trade Center play throughout the world.
Despite her heartbreak, she continues to push toward her future while keeping her father’s strength and courage always in her heart. He will never stop being her hero.
In 10 years, Sarah has grown into a beautiful, strong young woman, determined to persevere. The anniversary of 9/11 has always been a difficult time for the Van Aukens. As the 10th anniversary approached, Sarah said she knows she has to remain strong and continue to honor her father. She believes what she is doing now is the way he would have wanted her to live.
Shannel Douglas attends Rutgers University in New Brunswick, pursuing a double major in Political Science and Journalism and Media Studies.
This story was written under a grant from the New Jersey Press Foundation (NJPF) and was edited by an editor at the New Jersey Press Association. The NJPF is commemorating the 10th anniversary of 9/11 by supporting journalism education while taking a look at what some of the children of 9/11 victims have been doing in the decade following the tragedy.