The founding mothers of the Center of Peace, Hope and Light are (l-r) Joan Morrissey, Jennifer Amato, Christine Volpe and Karen Zitzow Montenegro. Jennifer Amato, Joan Morrissey, Christine Volpe and Karen Montenegro all have one thing in common. Each of them has experienced the tragic loss of a precious child.
These women took their daily struggle and heartwrenching grief and created a safe haven for individuals who are experiencing the same deep, unrelenting sorrow and pain.
Amato, of Jackson, Morrissey, of Howell, Volpe, of Jackson, and Montenegro, of Point Pleasant, founded the Center of Hope, Peace and Light in Brick Township, a place designed to provide a warm, peaceful environment to those affected by the loss of a child.
The women say their journey through their pain and into helping others is guided by their children:
Christopher J. Morrissey, 20, who died on April 5, 2011, the result of choking in his sleep while he was away at college;
James Volpe, 17, who was killed in a motor vehicle accident on May 13, 2011;
Joey Amato, 2, suddenly had symptoms of a stomach virus followed by seizures. He had bleeding on his brain and a coma was induced. Joey passed away 48 hours later, on April 8, 2011;
Kyleigh Sousa, 21, (Montenegro’s daughter), who was murdered during a mugging on May 26, 2010 while attending college in Arizona.
The moms said their children are their inspiration and continue to guide them. They said their children help them to find the strength and courage to move forward and live the best lives they can, as they carry their daily grief for the rest of their lives.
The women have learned through their own grief that sharing that grief with others who have experienced the same pain and loss can help them to heal.
The women met at a Mothers of Angels Tuesday night support group for mothers who have lost a child. The group was founded by Montenegro in August 2010 after the death of her daughter.
Montenegro, who is an interior designer, said she started the group because she saw the need to provide a place where others could experience a sense of comfort and camaraderie with people who were experiencing the same loss. She said she needed to communicate with others who were enduring the same pain.
“I wasn’t getting a lot of help from therapists, clergy, school officials or the medical community,” she said. “They can’t help me when I wake up on her birthday and she is not there. They can’t help me when I wake up on Christmas morning with two kids instead of three. It’s those dayto day challenges that only others who are in the same place can help you through.”
The Center of Hope, Peace and Light is an outgrowth of Mothers of Angels and offers traditional, spiritual and physical grief healing support and services to those affected by the loss of a child, according to Montenegro.
All of the center’s counselors are licensed, experienced and have been trained in grief support. While there are fees for the services provided, many counselors accept various insurances for services or are willing to privately discuss a family’s financial situation prior to assessing a fee.
Morrissey, who is a sign language interpreter, said although attending the Mothers of Angels support group gave her great comfort, she felt she needed more. “I thought [Mothers of Angels was] so wonderful for us, but we were only meeting once a week,” she said. “I thought it would be so beneficial to us if there was a retreat we could attend for a whole weekend, instead of 90 minutes, that would provide us the support we need and offer other healing therapies as well.”
A weekend retreat was planned in a Mantoloking home donated by a friend, and 12 women attended. The women arranged an additional weekend there and realized how therapeutic the additional services, such as a spiritual medium, sand tray therapy, massage, yoga and meditation were in their healing process.
The retreats were facilitated by licensed social workers. Morrissey said the women bonded during those weekends because of the commonality of their life-altering experiences. They understood what no one who had not lost a child could ever possibly begin to understand. And, those weekends brought about the realization they needed more support, more services and a safe place available to them on a regular basis, not just on Tuesday nights. “Those weekends were the springboard to the formation of the center,” she said. Morrissey said participants in the center help to keep their children’s memory alive.
“You can stay in bed all day and hide,” she said, “and many people do this, or you can help someone else. I find the more I help others, the better off I am in my own grieving process.”
Morrissey said the daily struggle is hard, but added that “you feel less alone” being a part of the center.
“I couldn’t do it without their help,” she said of her friends. She added that she cannot comprehend how anyone who has experienced the loss of a child could “do it alone.”
“You don’t get better,” Morrissey said. “It’s always there, that pain, but the center provides the tools needed to learn to cope and manage our grief and to try to move forward.”
Volpe, who is an elementary school teacher, said even though the women share the commonality of grief, everyone grieves differently and is comforted in different ways. Since their needs are different, their healing must be as well.
“That is why we put many services all in one place,” Volpe said.
She said the center offers spiritual healing methods such as Reiki, yoga and meditation, which she said have worked well for her.
Traditional therapy is also offered for individuals who may benefit from that type of program.
The Mothers of Angels support group continues to meet on Tuesday nights at the center. The women request input from those who are grieving to see what they need and then they work to bring it into the center.
The Center of Hope, Peace and Light also addresses the needs of siblings, fathers and grandparents. A monthly gettogether is held for grieving fathers. The center is open to all who need help with the grieving process.
Amato, who calls herself a “domestic engineer,” said she reached out to Mothers of Angels in November 2011.
“My loss was 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” she said. “Joey was just a toddler and I was with him every minute of every day.”
Weekdays, after her other two children head off to school, are especially difficult for Amato.
“I look around and I’m alone. He isn’t here anymore,” she said, and added quietly, “It’s especially tough then. And it doesn’t go away, that feeling.”
The center has been a lifeline for Amato, with its meditation, yoga, Reiki, massage and other spiritual therapies, which she said work best for her.
“I quit my therapist,” she added. “I try everything. I want to heal, I want to feel better. I don’t want my other children to look back and see their mother curled up in a ball on the couch. I don’t want them to feel as though I stopped being their mom. I want them to look back and see that she did some good through all her grief.”
Amato said the only people who could truly understand their losses are those who experienced the same tragedies.
“We are filling a niche in the bereavement process that seems to have been overlooked,” she added. “I don’t know how people who don’t have what we have deal with their grief. Our children’s names are spoken often and remembered.”
The center will hold an open house on March 21 from 2:30 to 8:30 p.m. to show visitors what is offered. A fundraiser will be held on April 6 at the Lakewood Country Club, featuring spirit medium Necole Stephens of New Hampshire, who also lost a child.
For more information about the Center for Hope Peace and Light, 254 Brick Blvd., Brick Township, call 732-262- 5210 or visit hopepeacelight.org.