As football goes, the world goes, according to Coach Randy Nathan.
By Jennifer Kohlhepp, Staff Writer
WEST WINDSOR — As football goes, the world goes, according to Coach Randy Nathan.
The author of “Bullying in Sports” pointed to Miami Dolphin lineman Richie Icognito’s suspension for allegedly harassing fellow teammate Jonathan Martin and said it’s a wake-up call to parents, educators, officials and coaches and reveals the unspoken crisis and the accepted core culture that is being taught and role modeled to young athletes across the country.
”I feel very badly for what happened in Miami but it’s not an isolated incident,” Mr. Nathan said.
Mr. Nathan opened the “Eradicating Bullying and Fostering Tolerance and Mutual Respect Among Our Youth: It’s Everyone’s Responsibility” seminar in the Mercer County Community College Conference Center on Nov. 13.
The Mercer County Commission on Abused, Neglected and Missing Children in association with KidsBridge Tolerance Museum presented the event.
While the issue of bullying transcends all ethnic groups and social strata, there is a breeding ground for what is transpiring and it occurs under the guise of locker room mentality, according to Mr. Nathan.
As a sports bully expert, he has worked with thousands of youth, teens, parents and adults to help create better lives. For the past eight years he has worked with countless youth who have been bullied, as well as those students who bully.
Mr. Nathan said bullying today is much more extensive and pervasive, given the nature of the times. Although most bystanders take a passive approach and simply watch and do nothing, some take on an active role by cheering and encouraging negative behavior.
He focused on the various types of roles and functions bystanders take in the bullying process and how to motivate and encourage those standing on the sidelines to become “upstanders” who do something about bullying.
In sports, bullying occurs under the cloaks of teamwork, sportsmanship and pushing for excellence. It takes place out in the open, fostered in sports culture by parents and fans alike. In the hallowed halls of youth sports, bullying is tolerated and taught, supported and sustained, modeled and manifested, according to Mr. Nathan.
”We have to change the culture,” Mr. Nathan said.
After hearing from Mr. Nathan, the educators and officers in attendance split up into workshops.
The morning workshops included Stuart M. Sackerman’s “Bullying Ain’t What it Used to Be: One Father’s Perspective,” Mr. Nathan’s “Bullying In Sports,” and Paula Rodriguez Rust’s “Safe Schools for All Students: Exploring the Experiences and Rights of LGBTQI in New Jersey Schools.”
Afternoon workshops included Mr. Nathan’s “The Bystander Bully,” David Nash’s “Lessons Learned on HIB and the Increasing focus on School Climate” and Jerry Tanenbaum’s “Legal Rights and Obligations with Respect to School Related Student-on-Student Bullying and Harassment.”
Those in attendance also heard from Lawrenceville Elementary School’s counselor Kathy M. Jensen and media specialist April Oliver about “Teaching Empathy: A Key Tool Used to Combat Bullying in Schools/National Award Winning Model.” Lawrenceville Elementary School has been designated “A National School of Character 2012-16.”
”Character development drives the development of empathy,” Ms. Jensen said.
The foundation for character development at their school is its core values, which are respect, responsibility, caring citizenship, trustworthiness, fairness and self-control. All teachers, staff and students use this shared vocabulary of core values to help guide them in their everyday actions.
”We strive to ensure all students do their best every day by modeling respectfulness, responsibility, fairness and self-control,” Ms. Jensen said. “Our motto is do our best and nothing less.”
The elementary school students are immediately introduced into a culture of acceptance. They begin their year by creating the classroom rules as a group, which creates a social contract for them to follow, according to Ms. Jensen. Each school day starts with Manners Magnets’ “Thought for the Day,” to improve school climate by introducing empathy and polite behavior. The title comes from others being “attracted” to children with good manners.
The school tries to prevent bullying by empowering students and encouraging them to be “upstanders” and not bystanders.
”An ‘upstander’ stands up for the person being targeted,” Ms. Jensen said.
At school, students also learn how to not become a victim, according to Ms. Jensen.
”Don’t lose your power or give up your rights,” Ms. Jensen said.
Children also practice service learning, which plays a key role in the development of empathy. Many projects feature the school’s third-graders serving as service learning ambassadors for the rest of the school.
Children Acting Responsibly Everyday (CARE) kids go into the classrooms of their younger schoolmates to teach the curricular component of the project through a story, researched lesson, or puppet show. Parents and teachers assist the children in completing the service learning project and then the school hosts an assembly about the project to fulfil three components: learning, reflection, and celebration.
”Children that have been involved with service learning will most likely continue volunteer service,” Ms. Oliver said, adding that one former student recently collected $870 worth of donations for the school garden during her sweet 16 party and that another former student started a friendship club in the middle school for fellow students who do not have anyone to sit with at lunch.
While school teachers and staff do their part to create an empathetic cultural climate, “parent participation” is key, according to Ms. Jensen.
”As a parent it is important to teach your child good values about how to treat others. Often times, children who bully do it because they feel bullied as well either at home or by their peers. By not bullying your child with harsh discipline, a child is less likely to become bullies themselves. For children who bully, it is a good ides to help them talk through their underlying emotional issues in counseling or therapy. Many children also might need to find a creative and physical outlet like sports to help them channel their emotional frustrations,” according to Jay McGraw’s Life “Strategies for Dealing With Bullies.”
Whether it’s the grade school bully, the high school mean girl or an athlete in the locker room, the need to identify bullying behavior is as important now as ever, according to Coach Nathan.
He hopes the investigation into the Miami Dolphins incident will have a trickle down effect, so that as football goes, the world goes with a core culture devoid of bullying, harassment and intimidation.