Although I am not a slob, I definitely am not the neatest person alive. I tend to leave my shoes where they lay, I like to disperse my dime store jewelry about, and I have been known to leave a dish or two in the sink with little or no remorse.
Living with a family of men as I do, it has never really posed much of a problem. They leave their size 12 sneakers just inside the door, have been known to scatter their items about, and if their dishes make it to the sink, well, we consider that somewhat of a success. I got along with my disorderly ways right up until we opened our antique shop and hired Terrie. She is a great gal to work with, mighty efficient and energetic, but she just so happens to be a neat freak.
Terrie has been my dear friend for years. We have hung out, chatted it up and she has spent hours with my slovenly ways without so much as developing a nervous twitch.
I suppose it started with the fact that I have no less than six pairs of cheap sunglasses and truly enjoy having them strewn about. I also like to have a pen within reach at all times, along with lip balm, flossing sticks and paper clips.
How, I ask you, was I to know that scattering supplies all around would make a tidy person, such as Terrie, a little crazy?
Naturally, she didn’t say much at first. She would simply tuck my highlighter away, place the stapler in its cove and organize my notes like it was her job.
“I have something to show you,” she said one day after she had been left alone for a spell. “This drawer right here is for your bajillion pairs of sunglasses, this one is for all of your safety pins, and since you think you need to sport lipstick with a little 24/7 action, I’ve created a lovely space for you to stash it.
“This drawer is for your hammers, this is the new home for screwdrivers and I’ve taken the time to categorize our paper products.”
She created a tote for the pricing tags and a cute little carryall for cleaning necessities. She then folded and stacked the rag bin and she labeled every stinking item. I’ve got to be honest with you, for a day or two I couldn’t find a dang thing.
But she didn’t stop there, no siree Bob.
She showed up to work one day with file folders, notebooks and sticky notes. She made lists and folders and then alphabetized it all.
Worse yet, she wanted me to keep it that way. Like a mother trying to train a disorderly child, she corrected me for not returning things to their proper place, chastised me when I messed up the rag bin, and when I left a writing utensil on the counter instead of placing it in its proper cubby, she had the audacity to give me the look.
She also watched me walk around for a period of time as I asked, “Have you seen my sunglasses?” Then she opened the organized drawer with a mother’s knowing look before she stated, “Girl, someone has to tame your crazy.”
Can you even believe it?
Apparently people are not supposed to leave coffee cups on the printer, hair pins on the register and evidently a hammer on the kitchen counter is nothing short of a faux pas.
Whoever woulda thunk it?
Sadly enough, the little dear has taken a couple of days off and upon her return, I might be in a bit of trouble.
I haven’t been able to lay my hands on a marking pencil for days, the drill is nowhere to be found and the pricing tags have no semblance of order.
Worse yet, I have totally wreaked havoc on Terrie’s alphabetized system as I can’t remember if one of the screwdrivers goes under “S,” “P” for Phillips, or simply “W” for “What-cha-ma-call-its.”
I might blame the dog for what has happened in the sales counter, I may feign ignorance for what has happened to the filing system and if push comes to shove, I should take me out for a long lunch until the “storm” passes.
She’ll be returning today and one thing is for sure — she has her work cut out for her. Thank heavens I’ll be elsewhere. All I need is to find a pair of my sunglasses.
Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book “Are We There Yet?” You can reach her by sending an email to [email protected].