Women’s Crisis Services will sponsor the "Communities of Light: Peace Begins at Home" campaign Dec. 18.
By: Linda Seida
Being invisible is a dangerous business.
So dangerous, a volunteer with a Women’s Crisis Services domestic violence crisis intervention team asked that her real name not be used in this article. She is afraid of reprisals from the batterers, whose victims often suffer in invisibility with friends and co-workers who are too uncomfortable or too unaware to see what is happening.
Instead, the volunteer asked she be called Roseanne because no one by that name is a volunteer with either the north or south county teams that respond to calls year-round.
She identified herself only as a middle-age woman in administrative support who is semiretired.
"Let’s not make it easy for them," she said.
The best example Roseanne could give of the invisibility of domestic violence doesn’t even come from a real victim, she said, but from a woman who was only suspected of being a victim.
"I ran into a business acquaintance with a really bad black eye. It was horrific looking," Roseanne said.
The bruise’s healing colors of purple, green and yellow bled down the woman’s cheek and back toward her ear. Roseanne took it all in as the woman launched into a business discussion.
"But please," Roseanne said, "tell me what happened to you."
The woman was touched someone cared enough to ask.
"It’s amazing how many people don’t ask me what happened," she confided. "They assume my husband hit me. He doesn’t hit me. I fell, but people assume he hit me. I’ve never felt so awkward."
Roseanne said, "She’s not a victim, but she became personally aware of how invisible a person becomes. I thought that was monumental. That tells me more about how society looks at this subject than hearing it from a victim. If somebody hits you, nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody cared to ask because nobody wanted to talk about it. That’s how invisible these people become."
Actual victims are met by similar reactions.
"If they show up for work, and they have a couple of teeth knocked out, nobody asks about it," said Roseanne, who is on call six nights a month to meet with victims and help them through the legal and medical maze that follows their ordeal.
Women’s Crisis Services of Hunterdon County hopes to heighten awareness of the issue of domestic violence by participating in a campaign called "Communities of Light: Peace Begins at Home."
Volunteers will light thousands of luminaria candles in Hunterdon County Dec. 18 as dusk gives way to night, bringing light to an issue that far too often is relegated to a dark corner and allowed to remain invisible.
The campaign will aim to light up bridges throughout the county. Locally, confirmed luminaria displays are scheduled for Lambert Lane, the Lambertville Station, Bridge Street, the New Hope-Lambertville bridge and the Centre Bridge-Stockton bridge.
Lighting also is scheduled for the bridge in Milford, Main Street in Flemington and Route 202 approaching Flemington.
"This campaign is critical in our efforts to inform the public about domestic violence, to inform victims about resources available to them and for our ability to continue providing free, confidential programs to support the men, women and children that the agency serves each day," said Nancy Connor, executive director of Women’s Crisis Services.
In the past six months, the agency answered more than 4,500 calls on the 24-hour hotline and provided safe shelter for 102 women and their children at the agency’s safe house. National statistics on violence suggest one in every four women will be affected by violence in some way during her lifetime.
"You can walk down the aisle of the supermarket, and anyone you see can be a victim," Roseanne said. "The wealth of the county is not a barometer at all."
Domestic violence can occur in any family.
"You can live in low-income housing; you can live in high-income housing. I’ve seen it all," Roseanne said. It can happen if you’re "black, white, young, old, gay, straight, elder abuse all of it. It has nothing to do with income. It has nothing to do with race. It has nothing to do with age, gender or sexual orientation."
Communities of Light Committee Chairperson LuAnn Kidd said, "This event provides a great opportunity to connect and to share time with friends, neighbors and family doing something for people who need our support. Domestic violence does happen in Hunterdon County, and this is a great way for us to bring the message of peace to our businesses, to our neighborhoods and to our homes."
The 2005 campaign was launched officially Nov. 17 with a ceremonial lighting on the steps of the Statehouse in Trenton with other New Jersey domestic violence agencies from Somerset, Mercer, Middlesex and Ocean counties.
Communities of Light started three years ago as a grassroots effort in Mercer County and is on its way to becoming a statewide event as more communities take part each year.
"We are looking for volunteers to help us light on Dec. 18 since we have so many areas to cover," said Christine McConnachie, the volunteer coordinator at the agency.
Volunteers are provided with instruction and materials the evening of the lighting and, in many instances, hot chocolate and cookies.
Volunteers also are needed to sell luminaria kits to neighbors and businesses. The kits contain nine candles and white bags and cost $10 each. All proceeds from the sales of these kits will directly benefit the women, men and children served by the agency.
Communities of Light luminaria kits also may be purchased at Colalillo ShopRites in Clinton and Flemington, Country Emporium, Contours, Delvue Cleaners, Stanley Cleaners, The Kalmia Club, The Shaker Café, Hunterdon Lock & Safe and the Women’s Crisis Services outreach office.
For more information or to purchase a kit, contact the agency at (908) 788-7666, ext. 405, or visit www.womenscrisisservices.org/light.htm.
Women’s Crisis Services operates a 24-hour domestic violence hotline at (908) 788-4044. A toll-free hotline may be reached by calling (888) 988-4033.
Outside of Hunterdon County, call the statewide domestic violence hotline at (800) 572-7233.