A new network formed to provide support for individuals and families affected by addiction is offering hope.
This form of hope will be translated through presentations and sharing sessions to convey the message that no one is alone in the struggle to cope with addiction.
At the Family Addiction Network’s Nov. 17 meeting, the topic of the month was “Finding Hope,” and a father and daughter, Michael and Melissa S., shared their experiences about growing up with a family member who was an alcoholic.
They explained how through the bumpy road of addiction recovery, the support of Michael’s family was a central ingredient in his recovery and the ensuing four-plus years of sobriety.
“I am blessed to be here tonight, especially with my dad, to share our story and hopefully offer some hope and show people who may be going through a similar experience or maybe who have gone through it, that they are not alone and that there is hope,” Melissa told an audience of about a dozen people at the West Long Branch Community Center.
“We’re normal, everyday people and I feel like this can happen to anybody,” she said.
For Michael, the seed to his addiction was planted more than three decades ago.
“I didn’t start drinking until I was 18, which was the drinking age back then,” he said. “The month after I turned 18 and I was able to buy booze, they changed the age to 21, but I was grandfathered in so I was able to buy it for all [my friends] who couldn’t. … So I was the supplier for three years until they all turned 21, but in the meantime, I was partying.” The oldest of three children, Melissa said she started to notice her father had a problem when she was little girl.
“I was the oldest child. I had two younger brothers and I guess when I was very little, I didn’t realize that my dad was drunk,” she said. “I just thought that he was funny and silly and goofy and we had a good time together.”
“It wasn’t until I was about six years old … I think it was around that time that my father got his first DUI.”
Through family strife about finances, household duties and employment, Melissa played the part of a protector for her younger brothers.
“I wanted to protect them from any arguments going on in the house and … I tried to do whatever I could to try to minimize those arguments,” she said.
She said, as a coping mechanism, she started cleaning the house, trying to alleviate some of the work her mother would have to do when she came home from work.
“I remember being a little kid and my friends were like, ‘Come hang out with us, let’s go play’ and I’m like, ‘I’ve got to vacuum, do the dishes before mom gets home from work,” Melissa said.
As a teenager, Melissa said the arguments between her parents continued and it wasn’t until she headed off to college that her parents got a divorce.
“My brothers and I, we didn’t want the fighting anymore. We were all on board with it and wanted both of them to be happy,” she said.
At few years later, Melissa noticed her father’s health beginning to decline.
“I remember seeing him one day and he was yellow and being in the healthcare field I knew … his liver was affected and he could feel it too,” she said. “That was when he started trying to stop drinking but then … he would be really sick for days … and he’d get through it and be sober for a little bit, but then he would call me and be completely hammered again and we’d be back to square one.”
A trip to the hospital put things into perspective.
“I would’ve been dead if I continued my ways,” Michael said. “The doctor said, ‘you quit now or in a couple months I’m going to be coming to your funeral’ and I haven’t had a drink since then.”
According to Melissa, her father was in complete liver failure and was given six to 12 months to live.
“I tried to be positive, and at that time, I really became more spiritual and more grounded in my faith and beliefs [and] I had faith and hope that he could get through it,” she said.
“That day in the hospital he decided that he was going to stop drinking and do whatever the doctor said to get better and he did … After he got out it was three meetings a week at a center, AA meetings, and he did tai chi, yoga, acupuncture and by the grace of God he just started getting healthier and healthier.”
Four years and three months later, Michael said he is grateful for the second chance he was given.
“Here I am four years later, and it is still one day at a time,” he said. “It’s been a long, rocky road and I am a very lucky person to be here today.
“I am definitely happier and feel like I have a second chance and while I don’t want to say there are no regrets, I do wish I never started drinking in the first place.”
For Melissa, love, a positive attitude and hope cane be huge aids in the recovery process.
“I really feel that our faith, my love for him, all of our support together instead of giving up on him or feeling angry at all the things that he did, helped,” she said. “We all stuck together and had faith and believed that he would get through it and he’s here right now and we are so lucky.”
The Family Addiction Network was formed to provide a safe meeting space where those affected by addiction can come together and feel comfortable to share their experiences and listen to others in an effort to support one another in an accepting and receptive environment.
“Our intention is to create a support mechanism where people can come and get information, resources, education and support — on the level of presentations from people who are either in the industry that have things to offer or people who have been through [a personal experience] and have stories and things to offer to help you not feel so alone,” cofounder Susan Marco said.
“The biggest issue is finding resources and finding people that you can talk to because this is still an issue that some people are afraid to talk about, so we try to bring it out a little and try to make it a little more supportive and open so that there is a place that you can come and talk with other likeminded people and get information and resources while they’re at it.”
Meetings are structured in three parts: a presentation that lasts approximately 30 to 40 minutes; social networking time; a group sharing session hosted by a mental health provider.
During the group sharing session, privacy is important.
“What we like to do after the speakers are done talking is a few minutes of networking and then we go into our group-sharing environment,” Marco said.
“The sharing portion of our evening we are extremely careful and mindful of the need for anonymity and confidentially so that is key throughout … we hope to create an environment that feels safe and secure.”
For more information visit www.familyaddictionnetwork.org.
Meetings are the third Tuesday of each month, from 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. at the West Long Branch Community Center at 116 Locust Ave.